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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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I roam the neighborhoods like Downtown P and Eastgrove. Omg, these streets are full of charm. Kinda like, "Waiter, more goodness please!" And the view of the Silver River from Bridge-Over is insane, totally romantic and artsy. Its banks are lined with old flickering lampposts that remind me of old movies – seriously enchanted!

A Tour of Ford Country: the 13 notable places that gave rise to our divisive, duplicitous mayor